Objectively, I know that the picture is fine and that the awkwardness I felt was universal. From the perspective of mid-life, I now see that I was not alone in trying so hard. 7th-grade brains, though, cannot muster objectivity or even fully rational thoughts. They are all impulse and uncertainty, lacking entirely in moderation and logic thanks to an underdeveloped pre-frontal cortex. The perm, the mascara, the social minutia that dictated whether or not I wanted to get out of bed each morning, all carried meaning and importance that was impossible to predict or pin down, but that mattered beyond all else in my 7th-grade mind. The result, for me and most twelve and thirteen-year-olds: a combination of self-consciousness, self-doubt, and self-centeredness that is best not remembered, no matter that it’s utterly forgivable.
I won’t be so bold as to say that through-8th-grade schools have mastered the biochemical, hormonal, developmental complexities of middle school. I will, however, assert that Friends School Haverford provides middle schoolers with unique opportunities to learn, make mistakes, and discover more about themselves amidst the whirlwind of early adolescence. Our nursery through 8th-grade program gives middle schoolers a chance to be young leaders in a world in which they are otherwise and always stuck in the middle. Surrounded by peers and teachers who know them well, students participate with greater confidence and engage authentically in classroom learning. Our younger students look up to their middle school counterparts as role models, often running across campus to give them a hug or a high-five. When there aren’t high schoolers at every turn, middle schoolers don’t feel the pressure to be like them, an experiment their pre-frontal lobe is distinctly not ready to help them manage. Rather than getting lost in the crowd or navigating anxiety about high school, middle school students shine when they have genuine, everyday opportunities to be their best selves.
It can be hard to resist telling middle school students to just be themselves, and yet such advice is difficult to hear: authenticity is hardest in middle school when your brain instinctually tries to protect you by telling you to blend in rather than stand out. We can’t reprogram the young teen-aged brain, but we can provide its owner with a place to grow and learn about themselves without the added pressures of high school trickling down. If you aren’t yet convinced, I encourage you to come to graduation this spring and hear our graduates’ speeches. Inevitably, what they have to say is a testament to their emerging confidence in themselves and to their clarity that conformity isn’t as appealing or as easy as it may seem. Our graduates are not any more likely to want to see their 7th-grade picture one year or twenty years from now, but they are more likely to recognize the good in themselves and others. Whether or not they will acknowledge to their parents and families before the age of 21 is a topic for another day, but the knowledge of the good is there, amidst the requisite awkwardness.